Gentleness
Dr. S.M. Davis, a seasoned pastor, counsellor and authority on the family made this statement, “In my observation, 95-99% of the rebellion in Christian young people is caused or at least affected by the anger or inconsistency in one or both of the parents.” Last week we noted the importance of consistency in our homes, this week I would like to address the subject of gentleness, the antithesis of an angry response.
It is vital for a parent to secure the trust and allegiance of their child’s heart. Solomon understood this when he wrote: “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.” Why the heart? Because the heart is the place where the issues of life are sorted out. But the heart is tender and easily wounded, offended and turned away. When parents repeatedly resort to anger when instructing and disciplining their children, they run a high risk of alienating that child and losing the devotion of his heart. The Scriptures warn of the folly of this approach; the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
There is a biblical alternative; deal with them gently. Gentleness may be the very opposite of how you feel when your child misbehaves, but that should not surprise you. The way you feel is strongly tied to your flesh and anger is frequently listed among the works of the flesh. Gentleness on the other hand is the fruit of the Spirit. David was rehearsing some of the attributes of God that were instrumental in his many deliverances and makes this observation: “thy gentleness hath made me great.” Paul instructs young Timothy laden with pastoral responsi-bilities, “be gentle unto all men”. Gentleness attends to the need without incurring further damages in the heart.
Gentleness does require time and patience. It may often require a time for you to settle down and sort things out in your own heart. But its rewards are significant. You give God an opportunity to work on their spirit rather than seeing them react to yours. You make time for a calm reasonable, spirit-filled response rather than a wild barrage of wounding words. But best of all, you make it possible to commune with the heart of your child and see change take place where it matters the most.