Be a Loving Listener
What did you say? When did you tell me that? I don’t remember that conversation. What in the world are you talking about? What do you mean I never listen to you?
Sound familiar? Ever had a conversation like that? Sound bites like these occur much more frequently than we care to admit. None of us really enjoy them, but how many of us take steps to prevent them?
The lack of communication is often cited as the number one problem in our marriages; it seems we all have something we want to say, but how many of us are really willing to listen? I’m not referring to simply hearing what is being said; most of us are somewhat capable of attending a conversation while our minds remain focused on something else. I am talking about giving our undivided attention to what is being said; listening with both our ears and our eyes.
Think of a typical conversation between you and your spouse. How often do you put aside what you are doing and maintain eye contact when a discussion arises? Does your body language communicate interest or indifference? Are you listening for discrepancies or are you sincerely trying to understand? Are you defensive and constantly interrupting, or do you allow your spouse to say what needs to be said? Are you a “multi-tasker”? This is not the time to demonstrate your skills.
Good listeners are few and far between. Those who listen well do so on purpose. They seek first to understand, then to be understood. They listen with interest because they are genuinely interested. Some say this is a skill, and perhaps it is, but in reality it has more to do with the condition of our heart than the reception of the ears.
When the Apostle Paul described biblical love for us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 , he also provided us with some excellent principles applicable to the way we listen to one another. Things like patience, kindness, bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things and enduring all things, can definitely improve our listening proficiency. Could it be that there is some sort of correlation between the way we love one another and the way we listen to one another? Hmmm. Don’t we all feel more loved when the one we love takes the time to listen?