Cool Down and Tone Down

Mac Bledsoe was a frustrated teacher at Walla Walla High School in Washington State. It seemed the only way he could get the attention of his students was to lose his cool and raise his voice. One day after a particularly stressful third hour with his unruly students, he decided to seek the advice of a teacher named Lola Whitner. Lola was a master teacher who taught in the room right next to Mac and always seemed to maintain perfect control in all her classes.

Mac went to her and said. “Lola, how do you do it? You are sixty-five years old, you are a perfect lady, you are barely five feet tall, you speak to kids in a respectful conversational tone and yet the same students that I feel compelled to yell at are so quiet and respectful with you, and you never raise your voice. Help me. I must learn to do what you do!”

Do you ever catch yourself yelling at your children? Perhaps you wouldn’t call it yelling, maybe you just raise your voice; but you do it quite often. Have you ever caught your children yelling at one another? Have they ever raised their voice at you? Yelling (or raising your voice) is an easy habit to fall into, particularly if that’s the way your parents communicated with you. But I think you would agree, not only is it undignified and undesirable, it is also disrespectful. 

Parents often lose sight of the fact that teaching goes on all the time. It does not require a formal setting, and much more is caught than taught. When a child learns that he really doesn’t have to obey until Mom or Dad lose their cool and begin barking out orders, then it’s simply more convenient to carry on their own agenda. Scenarios like the one above repeatedly condition a child not to respond until things get hot; then, and only then, is it time to move.

Lola quietly asked, “Mac, can you ever control your temper? Can you ever speak quietly and respectfully to your students?"

Mac replied, "Well, yes, sometimes I can control my temper, but often I just blow up."

"Well, Mac," she replied very calmly, "If you control your temper some of the time then you can see it’s a choice! Why don't you choose to control it all of the time?”

That advice changed Mac Bledsoe and it can change us as well. Losing your cool and raising your voice is a choice; so cool down and tone down and watch your kids perk up!