Using Enforceable Statements

I think all of us would agree that rearing godly children requires wisdom from above. James tells us that wisdom of this nature is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. If all our parental communca-tions would fall within the parameter of these eight characteristics, imagine how much more effective we would be.

One facet of the interaction between parent and child involves the way we make our requests. Perhaps you have recognized the fact that kids have a way of behaving like little lawyers when it comes to doing what they’re told. They always seem to have a reason why it shouldn’t be done, a better way to do it, a different timeframe and slower speed setting than the one we originally intended. They are quite proficient at finding loopholes in our plan and don’t seem to mind haggling with us over the most ridiculous details of a request. A steady dose of this kind of resistance can frustrate the most patient among us; and yet there is wisdom for even this: enforceable statements.

Enforceable statements are basically words you can legitimately enforce. This places the control back in your hands rather than the child’s. It takes a little thinking and a little practice, but essentially utilizes clear, calm commands emphasizing what you will do in conjunction with what you want them to do. For instance, you tell your children to pick up their toys; how many they pick up, how quickly they pick them up, and where they end up once they’re picked up is somehow left to the child’s discretion rather than that of the parent. Go in and see how well the job was done and you will see who was really in control.

Instead, why not say, “I want all the toys picked up and put away by 7:00; every toy I find out of place is mine, every toy in its place is yours.” Then, just like you said, at 7:00 sharp, go and see how many toys you can find. You are likely to find some, but simply claim them as your own and empathetically tell the child you will be happy to think of something they can do in exchange for the toy. Use your imagination, but keep your word. You will be amazed how much better they will get at picking up their toys.

 So, do some thinking; who is controlling who? You are the parent; don’t get upset, simply say what you’ll do and what you expect them to do, then do what you said. Make wise use of enforceable statements.